Poet's Graveyard of Silent Verses

My idea of a self-imposed hibernation would ultimately include piles of indie movies, elaborate doodling supplies, books with synopsis verging unto the rotten prose, and a ration of snacks - of which I've once successfully accomplished back in Lenten season '07. Coming out of it closely resembles what one must feel after a spiritual retreat. Suddenly I have renewed reasons to look forward to the enforced holiday.

Being away from a country with citizens who leaned towards worshiping, making signs of the cross and communing deprives me of my hibernation that I now resort to dividing my favorite cures for welcome spurts of boredom.

To stock up on reading supplies, I found my way to a "mushroom bookstore," a term I had coined for little brain vitamin pop-up stores that grow in the most unexpected nooks of the neighborhood that happens to sit a block away from my apartment.




I'm going to spare you the fun part of me trying to find the "juicy" shelf of the tiny bookstore but I came out rewarded with an armful of the good stuff and one of the steals was Allan MacDonell's Prisoner of X. This book was a speeding bullet of tabloid worthy events that read like a biopic waiting to be shot. Three chapters into the book words like "cum," and "money shot," prepare you for the bigger look at the titans of the porn industry and MacDonell spared not his former gold-plated wheel-chaired boss nor himself. 


It's not easy choosing one story that really stuck with me long after I've divorced the book from the cheating bookmark. With much thought, I'd have to zero in on the guitar legend I saw with the husband last summer at the Hootenanny Festival - ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Chuck Berry. What was it that landed Mr. Berry on MacDonell's corporate tales during his tenancy at Hustler?

Apparently, the famed musician was (or perhaps still is?) into eating shit.




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                                                                                         Image source: Moonbuggy

MacDonell had the luxury (or misfortune?), of being one of the very few people seeing the video capturing Mr. Berry consuming a fresh brown log straight from the oven and wore the look that has been famously quoted as "shit eating grin." MacDonell added that the same sources who provided the Hustler office the video knew of Mr. Berry's habit of keeping "souvenirs" from women, wrap tight in Ziplocs and marked before freezing so he always had something to come home to after long months out on the road.

Having read all this exploited my initial appreciation for having seen a legend still rocking out his old hits on what might be one of his last few shows before finally keeling over. Why have I not known about this odd behavior of the man? Before then, I've only heard about him taking a 14-yr. old Apache waitress from Mexico to work at his club that he was later on arrested and went to jail for. Would I have enjoyed less and refused to sing along when he played "Sweet Little Sixteen" for all the pun it offered? Suddenly trafficking a minor native didn't look so bad if the rumors plaguing the man all throughout his life have been true.

So goes my life's current mysteries that led me to open some alleged "bad habits" of high rollers into my research. And just like Chuck Berry's "shit eating grin," could never be proven true from a mere "smear" of gossip.

Here are some interesting rumors, trivia, etc.

1) "Knee-trembler" was the Beatles' term for a quickie stand-up sex seconds before going onstage.

2) A few years back, Madonna was spotted visiting New York City's "Club Nine," a local hotspot of note. What was the club's most notable membership requirement?
All men needed to be a minimum of nine inches.

3) How did Janis Joplin wish to celebrate the signing of her record contract with Columbia Records?
By having sex with every executive in the room.

4) Why was Paul McCartney's world tour interrupted for 10 days in 1980?
He was imprisoned for having 5 pounds of pot in his luggage

Read more here.

Reading is free. So read your ass off!

In America, reading programs cost you $360! What the fuck?????????????????

If you let yourself get ripped off by this, sure enough you do need to look into reading more often! No wonder the late George Carlin keeps shaking his head. Up yourself! A Book weighs less than the lightest dumbbell in your neighborhood gym. Heck, a magazine is about the weight of a pair of spoon and fork combined! You make that much effort for vanity? Feed your brain if you care so much about beauty. You are a lot more dangerously sexy if you have the wits about you.

Read about zombies, about fucking in park slopes, how to cure 3AM bowel calls, self-help for every corner of your being; about aging porn stars; cure for halitosis, the cheapest way to travel, taxidermy, botanical plants that have some hallucinatory effects when consumed….

There is no such thing as useless information. Just like air, even the stench of a fart stimulates your senses telling you to duck, hold your breath, run for cover or kill yourself, YOU DO NEED FART even if you are on the receiving end. How much you read validates every decision you make. The less stupid you are the more likely you will survive and ensure the place for your kind on earth.

Read voraciously! Have as much appetite for it as though you missed your last meal and are dying for the next one. You don’t always like what you eat yet it sinks the same way every other food does in your stomach, and the same goes for literature. Fiction, non-fiction, Natalie Portman’s biography, tabloids, epitaph, stolen diaries, synopsis, your lover’s private text messages, your favorite bands’ CD inlay, other people’s birthday cards, the operating manual for a cassette player… well, maybe not the last one but let it all digest in your brain and you would be surprised of the size of shit that comes out from all that reading.

The upside to it is there are a million books in whatever subject you prefer. Nobody is forcing in a flabby Gideon up your ass unless you want to. Your call. But seriously. READ.

We are suckers for free and live shows. Being in the city of entertainment when broke can be a very sad thing, but there are a million things happening here! And if you're like us who scour the city's crevices for free shit, then having a good time won't be too far out of reach.

Having splurged for this year's :
Coachella, (last April!)

Bamboozle (saw Deftones! whoa!)

then upcoming Electric Daisy Carnival  (this f***ing weekend!)

and Van's Warped Tour  (this f***ing weekend!)

(311 and Incubus next month!!!!)
left us with little to go by the weekends in between.
Armed with the LA WEEKLY summer concert guide, cheap gas and cheap sushi, Dan and I rolled our way uphill to The Getty Museum where we admired the vast art collection a few months back feeling like aging art students.

Chairlift is a band we both never heard of, but the catchphrase was FREE.
We listened to them over their home and MySpace page and the song 'Bruises' were stuck in our heads.
Now, knowing that it's going to be at The Getty Museum, I think it's safe to say that even if MC Hammer made a comeback so long as he's playing at The Getty Museum (plus it's free!) we just might catch it. Seriously, the place is magnifique! Any poser douche will sound and look good there. Chairlift didn't have to work up a muscle, they were great and best of all, all three of them were adorable.
Naturally, since it's f***ing recession, a lot of people showed up and it took us close to an hour to get a parking space. Since the Getty is all the way up on a hill, we'd need to line up to ride the tram, since the line was incredibly long we opted to walk the mile up. I have forgotten how stressful this was the first time we went there and did the same f***ing thing. I know the third time will still be the same I should remember to re-read this entry.

Panting, we got there around 7:30 pm and the band already started playing a little off to the museum's entrance hall. They were tight! Considering that there were only three of them. The drummer from song to song would switch between drums and bass, the other two members both sing - one had divine alto voice and the main vocals threaded between high and low octaves. Their single 'Bruises' was somewhat too "pop" so it was easily the crowd's favorite. Their other songs were more ambient which I preferred more... like 'Evident', 'Territory' and 'Make Your Mind Up'.

Our throats were parched from all the climbing so we lined up (for maybe 20 minutes) to get drinks. I wanted red wine, but when we were close to the bar, the fudgy brownie winked at me and my stomach growled. I grabbed one from the display case while Dan got the drinks, and oops, the cashier didn't ring my brownie so I saved us a couple of bucks! No wonder that brownie tasted so gooood.
Walking back to the stage, and inching our way close to the band, their set ended just when we were a foot away! No encore, we stayed our post just in case, but nope. My only consolation, however was the band's set list which their roadie was kind enough to pass three around. This chick in front of me got two and everyone else urged her to give out one (what she going to do with two?) so she threw one and it landed on this other chick's chest next to me and I grabbed it quick!


CHAIRLIFT live at The Getty Museum
June 20, 2009, Saturday
Damage: FREE SHOW
                FREE PARKING
                $14.73 for 2 large cups of Sierra Navada Ale, a bottled water and a piece of free! fudgy brownie
               

There are many techniques in achieving certain visual effects using Photoshop. Some take as little as two to three steps, and this tutorial is not one of them. Overtime, I will be able to shorten the process, and if you have a better technique, I'd be glad to hear and apply that.
So, STEP 1:
~ Select an image, one with layers such as this magnolia with wide leaves is ideal and easy to trace (you can take on a more complicated image as soon as you get the hang of it)
STEP 2:
Download a royalty-free background with texture to add to that vintage effect. I used this cardboard.
STEP 3:
Separate the seeds from the pulp and grind the leaves fine, pack it in a bowl and take a REALLY BIG hit.
STEP 4:
Now let's continue.
Trace a single leaf from the flower using the pen tool, right click and select traced area. Highlight background layer (cardboard) and press Shift+Ctrl+J to create a new layer for the leaf. Repeat this step until you have created a layer for each leaf.
STEP 5:
When you're done tracing all leaves......
Apply Drop Shadow effect to each leaf layer to create depth.
Arrange the leaves according to that on the original image to the right. So that when they overlap, they don't look like you were stoned when you did this.

STEP 5? 6?
Right click on a leaf layer to select cropped layer, highlight flower layer and create a new layer separating the leaf from it. On the LAYERS window, highlighting the leaf, change blending mode from Normal to Multiply then adjust Brightness/Contrast and just trip on the buttons for half an hour.
STEP 7:
Open a new layer of the cardboard background and adjust hue to shades of pink, red, violets.
STEP 8: (sobering up)
Trace and separate in another layer the flower from the leaves. Right click on the flower and cut out a copy of the flower from the new cardboard layer. (you figure that one out)
STEP 9:
Duplicate "real" flower layer and put one layer under the cardboard flower layer. Using the Eraser tool with low opacity and flow, erase the middle and the tips of the cardboard flower to reveal the texture of the real flower. Do not erase the whole layer!
STEP 10:
Adjust blending mode of the second "real" flower layer from Normal to Multiply then juxtapose over the cardboard flower layer.


Well that was grueling!

Now where's that pipe?